I was on the train from Amsterdam to my parent's place. I was living with them since I just relocated back from Singapore.
The day before I went to a festival with a friend of mine. I had a one-night stand with a British guy. The one-night stand was actually better than expected... Often one-night stands are quite disappointing, but this time it was pretty good and the next morning it was not awkward.
Since there was no time difference I decided to call my friend while I was on the train and tell her everything about last night. We had known each other since primary school. She joined me in the 7th grade when I was around 10 years Even when I was living abroad we always kept in touch and stayed friends.
When I asked her how she was doing she had sad news. She had a miscarriage. I was glad to hear that she was at ease with it since they had just started ‘trying’.
This is where it all started… After that it was like a giant never ending shit storm; still being pregnant but having cancer, chemo, cancer spreading through her whole body, giving birth to a healthy little boy (a lovely and bright moment), radiation therapy. Even during this insanely difficult time she was always so incredibly strong! The cancer continued spreading in her head, she was incurable…
I didn’t understand. Why did MY friend get sick?
A young woman who just turned 32. A mum of a newborn. A healthy vibrant, kind, nice and loving person. She hadn’t harmed anyone in her life.
I don't understand life.
It is like kind of fun all the time and then so, so horrible! Is it really worth it to live? Do the happy moments really balance out the ugly and horrible ones?
What is the reason for living? Why are we here? Why am I here? Or more like… What the F*CK am I doing here?
People say that “for every horrible thing that happens you get something back”… yeah right.
I was lost, sad, down.. not only when she passed, but also in the months before. Seeing MY friend suffer from such a horrible disease... I just don't have the words to describe this feeling.
It was not until my recent holiday in India that I started to feel better again. If this is how it works. People just leave your life like that, and maybe my life will be over soon as well… Better make it worth living every single day!
What makes me happy? What do I want to do with my life?
I’ve travelled a lot, I’ve seen and experienced a lot of different countries and cultures. I really believe it broadens your vision and enriches your life. Especially when you are living abroad for a longer period. I’ve lived in Istanbul, Berlin and Singapore and met a lot of people and made a lot of friends.
My 'Why' was born:
We live in this beautiful world. I want to help and inspire YOU to be brave, pack your bag and explore!
Go...! Travel! Live somewhere else for a while.. make new friends! I am here to help and support you. Especially when things get tough!